version 2 of the GNU General Public License the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License

For several months, I've been on Geodon, which is probably the best medication I've ever taken. It controls the moods really well, and it causes weight loss, which is certainly a plus. And I've realized that sometimes I have bad days because of situational issues or other organic reasons (for example, not getting enough sleep).

But I'm still having some pretty annoying symptoms that I don't think are related to any of those things. Most evenings where I'm not depressed or manic, I still feel off. The feeling is hard to describe, but it is an internal discomfort, kinda like a very light seasickness. I don't feel nauseated, but I do feel that vomiting would somehow help. Obviously, I don't go and vomit every time I have this feeling; I haven't vomited since I was in high school. But internally, it seems like a really good idea.

Also, when I feel this way, I'm not really myself. I'm don't enjoy being around my friends and acquaintances as much, and I really suck at being empathic. The only thing I want to do is go and rot. And I know that seems weird. Why rot? you ask. I don't know, but that's all I want to do, just rot away.

I still think I'd rather be depressed than feeling off.

Dixi.